In the middle of my life, I look around. I realize I will see lack if I’m not careful. You see, I want to be a rock star for Jesus but instead I’m scrambling eggs on crooked burners that will not lie flat and never making enough bacon to keep the masses happy.
Sometimes I wonder…is this “it”? Is this “all?”
I keep looking for the promised land. But maybe it’s here. Right behind me all along.
What is the measure of a woman who is truly sold out for Jesus. Does she know she’s made it only when she speaks to crowds of thousands? Or if all the churches want her to sing? Or if her Pinterest boards get enough followers or she is re-tweeted and “liked”?
What are we seeking? What am I seeking? Popularity with the Jesus girls? A pat on the back? An escape from crooked burners, dust bunnies and grocery shopping? Or am I seeking to offer myself as a living sacrifice, broken and poured out in the everyday ordinary sameness for our Redeeming Savior?
It turns out I CAN be a rock star for Jesus and still make eggs on crooked burners. But I can’t serve Jesus well when I’m comparing myself to everyone else, focusing on what books they have written, how many blog hits they have and how they’ve decorated their homes.
I’m not called to be those sweet sisters. I’m called to be me. To live in these beautiful and messy moments God has given me.
I am called, first, to be a rock star to an audience of One. Then I can ride that ripple out towards my family. I can be their rock star too. With excellence. Not indulgence and self-pity, wishing for what could have been. Or, truth be told, what I think should have been. I need to be present here. Right where I am.
I follow the God-ripples out to their conclusion.
Recently, the words of speaker and author Annie Downs challenged me. She suggested that one of the most important things we can do is to REALLY look at our lives and seek to call it good. Even if we realize that God may not/has not/will not answer our deepest prayer the way we’d like it to be answered.
That’s hard, isn’t it? It really gets to the core of who we are. Are we going to live broken and poured out for Jesus, hands held open to what He has for us, or will we find ourselves with hands clenched, clutching, trying to hold on to what we have and stretch it into enough?
Broken and poured out. A living sacrifice. That’s who I want to be.
I serve a God who has promised me abundantly more than I’ve EVER asked or imagined. And in the middle of my mess, I cling to this promise: “He makes everything beautiful in His time.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
Everything. Even me. Even this chaotic life.
I’m already a rock star for Jesus. Right here, right now. Even if I never sing at a huge venue or write an influential book. No, I’m just a rock star with crooked burners, a kid who is always on stilts and the meanest ginger cat in the world.
And that’s enough.