Deceived Into Doubting

There is nothing new under the sun.



Well, not really. Sure, things are tied up in a pretty, electronic, informational package these days, but, nope. Nothing new.


We women exist with a whole lot of pressure heaped on our shoulders and I’m pretty sure that hasn’t changed since the dawn of time.


I’ll bet Eve felt it. All the choices in the garden, but the one that really, really looks like the best option is totally off limits.


And Sarai? Oh yeah, waiting for God to build a nation through her and Abraham while also watching the calendar flip at an alarming rate. No pressure at all. Not.


How about Mary? A young girl. Unmarried. Pregnant. Who in the world is going to believe the whole “overshadowed by the Holy Spirit” story? Yeah, that’s pressure.


The world is very happy to tell us what we can have. Or should have. Or heck, all we should want. And it’s exhausting. Perfect husband. Perfect children. Perfect high-level career. Perfect house in the perfect development with the perfect amount acreage. Do this. Don’t do that.


And in the middle of all that, we fall apart.


We learn that we can’t do everything and also do it all well. Something, always, always, always, suffers when we try to power through things on our own steam.


And when things don’t work out the way we expect them to, when it all starts crashing down, we are deceived into doubting.


We wonder if we really heard what we thought we heard.


We wonder if we ourselves are who God says we are.


And truth be told, we start to wonder if God is who He says He is.


The enemy comes to lie, kill and destroy and there is nothing new in his playbook. He can’t come against the irrefutable Word of God. So he simply plants seeds of doubt in our heads. And that’s just about enough to send us into a tailspin.


So when those times of doubt come, and they will, we have no choice but to press in to God and step out in faith. We have the power to tell the enemy that he does NOT rule our minds. We may not have all the world offers but, sweet sister, we have EVERYTHING Jesus offers to us.



“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things.” ~Romans 8:31-32


You, my friend, were bought with a price. You are dearly loved; God’s chosen possession. That’s your reality. And though we know the enemy has nothing new in his arsenal of attack on us, how much more do we know God is unchanging? That truth also means that in the midst of this messy, stressful life, His love is always closer than our next breath.


That love takes all the pressure away. We can be still, confident in a God who loves and cares for us. And that love will never change.


Nothing new under the sun.


God. Is. Love.




As I continue my beginnings in navigating this strange new world of writing, it seems fitting that today’s Five Minute Friday post is an ending of sorts.  For others.  Maybe for me too.


If you’re not sure what Five Minute Friday is all about, check out the details here and really here, too.  Because it’s going to change.  But change is good, I think.  It’s important for us to be willing to listen, truly listen, to what Abba breathes into our hearts.


So, without further ado, here is  my contribution to Five Minute Friday.






When I started this journey 19 years ago, I was focused on my beginnings.  How in the world was I going to do that which was entrusted to me?  I had not clue.

It was a job.  Not a ministry.


And then.  Then it was more.  Because God was changing me.  He was growing me.  He called.  And mostly I dragged my feet, but eventually I got my head screwed on straight and started to listen more and more often.


But all good things must come to an end.  And at some point we begin to realize that that restlessness we’ve been feeling was put there for a reason.  It’s not a defect.  Or a problem.  Or a cross we must bear.  No thorn in my side.


Sometimes when we’re not sure of the way to go or how to get there or even the why, it is there that a loving God meets us and stirs us up.


And it’s okay to dream big.  And press forward.  And yearn for more.  More of Him.


I’ve found the finish might be scarier than the start.  Because the road has been long and accomplishements have been lined up like mile markers.  And pride looms and whispers things in our ears we were never meant to hear.


And there’s condemention too.  If I finish, who then will start?  Is that my worry?  Must I fear that?  Will she do it better than me?  Will they still love me?


Finish.  Oh, to finish well when the time comes.  To know it was well done.  That is desirable.  But more than that, the comfort and peace found in the knowledge that my Savior will press on in me, in my heart, in my very life until the day of the Lord.  He is never finished with me.


That’s my comfort.  Because whether I decide next week is my finish, or next year, or ten years from now, my God is faithful to finish up His work in me.  That’s His promise.  And my victory in Jesus name.


Finish, indeed.  But also start.  Because each finish, whether victory or defeat, serves to refine us through and through.  And that’s an outcome I can get behind.





This is all I have to give…

When I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was be a mom.  I had copious baby dolls whom I loved and nurtured.  I mothered my younger brother.  And when my BFF was blessed with a new baby brother, I was super excited.

As I grew, I babysat and just generally enjoyed small children.  And then I began my short lived career as a music educator.  And my three and four year old students were the absolute joy of each day.

So it was logical that when I became pregnant with my first child I was in seventh heaven.  And I had some very definite ideas as to how my life would change.  I had visions of what motherhood looked like.  I’m not going to lie.  I thought it would involve lots of sunshine and roses and bunny hugs.  Puffy clouds and picnics and dandelion fluff.  And long afternoon naps and lazy Saturday mornings.


As.  If.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to any mom out there that my experience looked not at all like that.  And honestly, that’s probably the understatement of the century.  Because I was absolutely unprepared for a baby who didn’t read my birth plan and a lack of sleep that messed me up for years.  For c-sections and thrush and baby’s allergy that caused me to give up dairy for  more than  a year.  For post partum depression and utter despair.  But also a love that I couldn’t explain and a joy in things so small, I’m not sure others noticed them.  But oh, the work. The drama.  The laundry.   There were days where I wondered how I’d get through the small things.  Where I simply gave every single thing I had to give and found myself lacking.

I’m not going to apologize for this but I’ve found an utter freedom in my days now that my girls are older.  I’m simply not a good baby mom.  Crisis parenting for wee ones is not my forte.  And who am I kidding, when my beloved daughters say the word “butt” for the 957th time today and fight about everything including the paint on the wall, well that’s hard too.  I’m not sure if I want to sell them to the circus or run away and join it myself.

But it is in the midst of those days when that still small voice enters in.  And He reminds me of His love, love that is simply imperative, especially as I must impart that love to my daughters.  Both as a mom and as a daughter of Christ myself.

“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.  See!  The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.  Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come….”  (Song of Solomon 2:11-12)

When I’m empty, He fills me up.  When I have not another thing to give to my family, He goes ahead of me.  He reminds me that I’m His cherished possession even when my daughters don’t do what I think they should and I feel like a failure.  Because He is my everything and He meets me in the middle of my deepest need.

My God meets my deepest need.  Sometimes I forget that He both asks me to cast my cares on Him and to allow Him to bear my burdens.  I try to do it all.  To be the best mom I can.  But on my own, I’m unable.  I fail and I feel small.  With God, I can do all things.  That’s His promise.  I take comfort in that.

And let me tell you, I’m clinging to it.  Because either these girls are going to stop saying “butt” or I’m going to lose my mind!

This is all I have to give.  My best.  Handed over to my Father.  With his blessing over us.

I’m His dear one and so are they.  And that is my peace.







So often I’ve seen opportunities for blog hops and shares and I knew I had words burgeoning within me.  Words that needed to be shared.  But alas, I didn’t have a blog.  How ever would I share?




So now there’s this.  And I’m terrified ready to give it a go.


This morning, Lisa-Jo Baker shared the following prompt for her “Five Minute Friday”:



This is my contribution.




Everyday I watch them bloom.  Little girls.  One now a young woman, really.  The other hot on her heels.


The day my first daughter was placed in my arms I knew a fear like nothing I’d ever known before.  And also love and joy inexpressible.  But oh, that fear.  And it really didn’t have much to do with her.  At least not directly.  No, it was much more about me.  Would I be good enough.  Would I care for her well enough.  Would I say the right things.  Would I ever learn to cook nourishing meals?  Could I walk worth of her?


Motherhood is scary for sure, but it wasn’t long before God put his hand right down on my head and impressed this message on me:  Do you trust me?  Because I see you.  And her.  And she who isn’t even here yet.  We’re in this together.  You are enough with me.


So trust became easier, because let’s face it, the trenches are hard.  But in my daughters, as I watch them grow and change, I can see His promises fleshed out in front of me.


….fearfully and wonderfully made….


…..treasured possession…..




And as they bloom, as they become just exactly who God planned for them to be from the beginning, there’s a new growth in me too.  As the carpool lines and class parties and late night text messages are deadheaded from my life, as I choose to see the beauty around me, the beauty in them rather than the things we need to work on or that cause me displeasure, He works in my heart just the same.


We three girls are blooming.  Right here.  Right now.


Blooming, bending, growing into everything He ever wanted us to be.


And that is more than enough.



Beautiful One

In a world full of labels it’s awfully easy to get a bit confused about who we really are. Woman in particular are absolutely bombarded with rules and images about what we should be striving to be. And don’t we all want to be attractive, trim, fit, lovely…?


But there’s never been a day in my life when someone named me pretty. And goodness knows I’ve been far more comfortable identifying my self with less than positive attributes.


And in all that feeling less-than, I’ve begun to feel rather purposeless. Defeated. If people don’t like me, if I can’t measure up in their eyes, how in the ever-loving world can I be anything but a blip on the radar in my Heavenly Father’s eyes?




Well, that’s an interesting question. With an equally interesting answer.


We forget that the word says, “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at an outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)


This is truth. When God looks at us, He is not interested in the things the world uses to measure us up. Instead, He looks at us, and sees his Son. Dearly loved. Right now. Right in the middle of our mess. Oh, dear heart! Right in the middle of the things we shouldn’t have said and the good intentions and the dirty floors and the chicken thawing in the sink.


Zephaniah 3:18 puts it this way: “…The Lord will delight in you, and in His love He will give you new life. He will sing and be joyful over you…”


You don’t have to measure up to someone else’s list of standards. You don’t have to work for His love. You can’t earn it. On the contrary, as Pastor Derwin Gray says in “Limitless Life,” “Your purpose for existing is this: to let God the Father love you.”


Isn’t that beautiful?


And what might He sing over us? Well, I have an idea….


Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come…Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” (Song of Songs 2:10-13)


Beautiful One. That’s me. That’s you. Believe it!