The darkest moment

In life, there are moments that, given a choice, we’d take back in a heart beat.  Moments that define our lives as before and after.  Moments that ultimately change the trajectory of our lives — good, bad or ugly.

Your moment won’t look like mine, but I’ll bet you have one.  A place you failed to represent Christ as you’d prefer.  A word spoken in haste that was misunderstood.  A gross error.  A terrible choice.  An action you can’t take back, which really doesn’t represent you but which can label you in a lighting fast moment.

I remember walking through a season of dark moments in such despair that huge, heaving sobs were the norm, eating was impossible and the song in my heart was so damaged and fragile it became non-existant.

How could redemption come out of the mess that swirled around me?  Could God use me anymore? Would He even want to?  If I had done all I could and the situation was still on fire, how could I go on?

I wallowed.  I despaired.  I was nearly lost.

In her upcoming book, “She’s Still There,” author Chrystal Evans Hurst whispers a gentle reminder…

“Your darkest moments are only a moment in time.”

I wish that truth had penetrated my heart during those days.  It probably wouldn’t have made the hard less so.  But it might have made hope seem more accessible. Tangible.  Because though my mess loomed so large in my life in those days, God still knew who I was.  My heart was transparent to Him.  He wasn’t planning to leave me, though I felt lonelier than I’d ever been.  He’d already promised unity long before a word prompted a firestorm.

One of the bravest things I’ve ever done was step out of the darkness.  To move forward. It hurt so much.  It broke hearts, mine included.  It was uncomfortable.  I had to fight my way through it.  I had to own it.  I had to own my story.

I won’t lie.  There are still days in which the old lies come back full force and the enemy seeks to take me back to that dark place.  It happens.  More than I’d like, if I’m honest.  But God is faithful.  And sometimes I just have to boss myself around.  In His strength, of course.

The mess feels like more than I can bear but God didn’t ask me to fight alone.

“Stop wallowing,” He encourages.

“Don’t hand out a victory to an undeserving enemy,” He cautions.

“Breathe.  And live.  Because You are mine,” He reminds.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now is springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

                                           ~Isaiah 43: 18-19

Sometimes I forget that God is in the business of miracles.  Sometimes I forget that though flawed, I am (still) the apple of His eye.  Sometimes I forget it’s not up to me.  A thousand times I get it wrong, but God is still doing that new thing in my life.  And He’s patient about it.  He has time.

What dark moment do you need to shine Light into?  What season are you ready to let go of? Do you feel like you’re up for the challenge or is the girl inside you terrified and uncertain? Be on the lookout for Chrystal’s new book, launching August 8.  God promises us strength for the journey (Isaiah 40:29 NIV).  But we still have to take the first step, look our dark moments, our very life stories, in the eye, and say, “Thus far, the Lord has helped me (1 Samuel 7:12 NIV).”

Then, sisters, we raise an ebenezer and we charge forward!  We are strong in Jesus name!

It won’t be easy, but with God’s help it will be good.